The snake in our midst
by SLYTH3R1N
Summary: With the Slytherins getting out-pranked over and over again, suspicions arise of a spy inside of Slytherin House itself.  So much for the simple fourth year Lily Luna had her sights set on.   But then again, when is a Potter's life ever simple?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot and some new characters. The rest belongs to JK Rowling. **

**A/N: Hey :) This is a collaboration story, myself and a friend will be alternating each chapter. Hope you like it!**

The time has arrived, the moment of truth. The moment where Gryffindor would show up Slytherin once and for all. Though I am not supposed to know about it, not according to the rest of the Slytherins anyway – huh, that's what they know!

Anyway, I really need to stop getting distracted! Back to the story.

James walks into the great hall barely suppressing a grin, closely followed by Fred, Blake and Gordon all with smiles tugging at the edges of their mouths. I glance up from my conversation on the Slytherin table with my friend Emily to catch James give me a smile and a quick wink.  
>Ugh, that boy has no subtlety at all! I peer around anxiously to see if anyone had seen the quick communication between me and my prat of a brother but all seemed calm so I breathe a sigh of relief.<p>

For the next few minutes I eat my dinner in silence before giving up the act and craning my neck over to the Gryffindor table to see what was taking them so long. Maybe their prank wasn't ready? Maybe they had gotten caught? MAYBE THE PRANK WENT HORRIBLY WRONG AND THESE WERE CLONES OF THE BOYS AND THEIR REAL SELVES WERE ACTUALLY STUCK IN A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE AND WERE GETTING EATEN BY GIANT FLESH EATING SOCK PUPPETS WHO CRAVED NOTHING MORE THAN THE SWEET TASTE OF ADOLESCENT BOY'S EARLOBES FOR DINNER? Okay, I must admit that the last one was a little farfetched – but anything as far as I know anything could've happened!

Suddenly a flash of blonde by the door catches my eye and I jerk my head towards the entrance of the great hall to see the gigantic air-filled head of Scorpius Malfoy teetering precariously on top of the rest of his body as he struts toward the Slytherin table. A few steps behind is the very person which makes the majority of the female population of Slytherin sigh and gaze longingly, the one and only Theodore Nott.

I try and hide the flicker of annoyance which crosses my face as Scorpius takes the empty seat across the table from me, next to Emily but hurriedly hide my face as heat rushes to it when Theodore takes the seat next to me.

"Potter," Scorpius smiles a greeting across the table to me before acknowledging Emily's presence. "Parkinson," he adds with a nod toward Emily.

"Hi-Scorpius-I-haven't-seen-you-in-so-long-how-have-you-been?" Emily gushes in one quick sentence while batting her eyelashes. It is no secret to anyone in Hogwarts that Emily Parkinson has a humungous crush on Scorpius Malfoy, heck even the teachers know it! The only person that doesn't seem to believe it is Scorpius himself, yet how thick he must need to be to not pick up the hints, I do not know.

Throughout the exchange however Theodore grins and turns to me saying,

"Lily darling! How have you been? I haven't seen you around in a while – your brothers haven't been giving you a hard time lately have they?" His face hardens at the last part but the fact that he called me 'darling' did not escape the ears of his ever loyal (and slightly perverted) fan club who glance up from their conversation to shoot daggers at me, giving me reason to smirk. Though I have to say – I am pretty used to it. Since the night of the sorting where my 11 year old self was sorted into Slytherin, Scorpius and Theodore had pretty much taken me under their wing and protected me. The two boys were 14 then and now three years later they are still beside me when I need them. I feel like a traitor in a way, mainly because my Slytherin friends trust me, not knowing that I am passing on all their prank ideas and plans to my Gryffindor brothers and their friend, therefore giving Gryffindor the upper hand. It is quite amusing to see Scorpius' face when the Gryffindors play the same prank on him and the other Slytherins, which Scorpius and Theodore had been planning just the day before!

But don't get me wrong, he deserves it. The dirty little player.

I know all of this makes me sound a little shady, but please don't judge. I have grown up with James and Albus' continuous slandering of the Slytherins, and from what I've heard about my dad's whole hero story – the Slytherins don't sound like the most pleasant lot. Of course that's not actually true, they are perfectly civil to one another and are severely over judged. Yet there is this passion inside me to prove myself to my abnormally large family, and combined with the pleasure I get to watch Malfoy suffer is more than enough reason for me to be a spy.

My eyes flicker over to the watch on Theodore's wrist which reads 8:14 and glance over to James and his posse where James has been trying to catch my eye. With a slight nod from James I rise from my seat, muttering something about a headache and going back to the dormitories.

Emily immediately pushes her plate away and insists she will come with me and I shrug in response, following her toward the door of the Great Hall.

Though before I can leave Theodore catches my arm saying,

"Lil, are you alright?"

I can see the concern in his eyes which brings a warm feeling in my veins, but I shrug my shoulders noncommittally and continue on my way.

Barely five seconds pass since Emily and I exit the Great Hall before an explosion rocks the ground resulting in both of us tripping over each other and landing on the ground in a tangled mess. Giggling like the fourteen year old school girls that we are, we untangle ourselves and sprint down to the dungeons and skid to a halt at a door to our right.

In reality it is actually a very beautiful door, made from ivory wood with green vines twisted artfully around the edges, bathed in an emerald glow giving it an eerie appearance. At the bottom left-hand corner was one green leaf from a lavender plant, and when plucked the leaf was illuminated until the correct password was given. Once the leaf is plucked another instantly grows back to take the previous one's place. It looks so old and worn, like it had been there since the dawn of time, but my dad told me they only built it after the Wizarding War at Hogwarts had ruined the original.

Though no matter how beautiful the door was Emily and I barely noticed it as she plucks the lavender leaf and mutters 'basilisk' and we threw ourselves into the common room. It is lucky that the common room is empty since everyone is at dinner, or else our appearance may have sparked some suspicion. After a moment we pick ourselves off the floor and make our way to the fourth year girls' dormitories where we collapse onto our beds in fits of laughter.

Emily Parkinson was my best friend, one of my _only_ Slytherin friends, and THE only Slytherin friend to know of my secret allegiance to Gryffindor. When I had told her about my plan to be the 'Gryffindor Spy' she had cackled evilly, and insisted that she would help me out and be my assistant. I had readily agreed and unbeknownst to both of us, we would stay best friends from that day forward.

A few minutes later the thundering noise of all the Slytherins marching back to the common room reaches our ears and I walk down to meet them, with Emily trailing a step behind. The raised voices of some of our fellow Slytherins complaining about the prank makes me grin but I cover it up quickly.

As expected Scorpius and Theodore strut over to where Emily and I are lounging about on a couch and plunge straight into the atrocities of the most recent prank by the Gryffindors.

"... And they had the audacity to sit there and laugh! Those stupid, stuck up, little Gryffindors! I swear I'm going to wipe that annoying smirk right off their faces." Scorpius' mutterings went on for quite a few minutes before I focused my attention back onto Theodore.

"So right after you left..." Teddy began his rant but I soon I was not even listening to what he was saying, but instead staring at his perfect eyes, light brown with flecks of gold half hidden by his bangs.

Bringing myself back down to earth I heard Teddy saying,

"And then right when I picked up my fork-"

Scorpius took the liberty of completing Theodore's sentence, a common occurrence in their conversations,

"-the chicken exploded right in my face!"

"So first I thought it was just the chicken-"

"-But then the peas too!"

"Soon everything was exploding right and left-"

"-Until we tried to get out of our seats-"

"-But we couldn't!"

"So we had to sit there-"

"-Whilst everything just exploded in our faces-"

"-And all the other houses just sat at their stupid little tables-"

"-With stupid little smirks-"

"-Laughing their stupid little laughs-"

"-And I just wanted to punch their stupid little faces!" Teddy finally completes his thorough detail of the dinner time entertainment before Emily and I burst out laughing. This had definitely been the best prank so far, and I make a mental note to congratulate James and his friends whenever I see them next.

It is moments like these when I am glad that my family hadn't shunned me when I was sorted into Slytherin and I remember how lucky I am to have such a great family.

And if this had been the first prank of the year, I sure as hell can't wait for the rest of them!

**A/N: Thanks for checking out the story, a review would be greatly appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to the people who reviewed the last chapter, it really made both of our days :)**

**But for everyone else... 42 reads and only 2 reviews? Pick up your act guys!**

**Also this chapter is set in the past, it is a flashback to Lily's first year. The next chapter will go back to normal though.**

*FLASHBACK*

"And there's suits of armour that make this sort of wheezing sound like Uncle Dudley when he has asthma, and once me and Fred charmed them to follow Professor Longbottom around all day it was so funny, and the ceiling of the Great Hall changes depending on the weather from outside and _don't _forget about the invisible horses that eat unsuspecting first years when they sleep in their dormitories…" James rambled on and on.

Al rolled his eyes and went back to his copy of _Quidditch through the Ages Version Two _(revised and added to by no other than Harry James Potter)but I was hanging onto every word that came out of James' mouth. Peaceful scenes of grassy hills and lakes flashed by us through the windows of the Hogwarts Express. For me, although it was my first time and I felt so nervous that I wanted to through up all the chocolate frogs I just scarfed down (I eat when I'm nervous, okay?).

"But don't worry, I'll protect you from the Slytherins, especially that bloody Scorpius, he stuck all my savings from my trunk on the floor with a permanent sticking charm once, if he messes with you Lily I'll burn his Firebolt 2000 to ashes I swear and break that pretty little neck of his with…" James was on a roll now.

"Hey James, if noise pollution was real pollution, you'd be the reason for global warming." Albus said. I laughed a nervous half laugh and went back to my pile of food; when my cousin Rose slammed open the carriage door. "Has anyone seen cat? Stupid thing keeps running away." Yes, I know what you're thinking. Who names their cat 'cat'? Well Rose does apparently. It's a long story consisting of Rose's brother Hugo, cigars, damaged shower heads and untied shoe laces. Once upon a time when Hugo was very young he smoked cigars in the shower after – sorry got a little carried away there. All in all it was just something about Hugo not being able to say Rose's chosen name for the cat and ended up just calling it cat. Unfortunately, the name stuck.

We all shook our heads. "I would run away if I was her cat too." I murmured to myself and Al laughed. Rose shot me a withering look and but then smiled sympathetically. "Scared, Lil? First time at Hogwarts scared the crap out of me too." She knew me well.

"I'm not scared of Hogwarts; I can take care of myself." I snapped. "I'm just…deep in thought."

"Deep in thought about what?" She asked.

"Weeeeeeeeelllllll….. whatifi'mnotingryffindor?" I said in the span of two milliseconds. Yup, I counted. What? Don't look at me like that. I know you're just jealous. Jeez.

"We throw all of your stuff into the lake and disown you." Al said seriously.

"Come on Lil, Al made it into Gryffindor and he's the biggest wuss ever, you'll be fine."

"Hey!" Al said indignantly.

It was true though. Albus Severus Potter, son of the bravest male Gryffindor of the last millennia, (as voted by _Witch Weekly_) was afraid of insects; spiders especially. A few years ago, James planted a rubber spider in Al's bed and Al slept in our parent's room for three days.

The rest of the train ride passed quickly, and the boat ride with Hagrid across the lake was a blur.

No joke the next thing I knew I was looking up at the stormy roof and having a miniature heart attack when Professor McGonagall called out "Potter, Lily!" And hearing murmurs at my name echo throughout the hall. Trembling, I walk up to this seriously ugly stool and put on the sorting hat, which 20 minutes ago was singing in an off-key voice about inter-house unity and all that super interesting stuff. I jammed the hat on my head and heard this rasping voice that seemed to be whispering in my ear.

"Hmm….what do we have here?" It asked thoughtfully. "A Potter? Gryffindor it is then. Wait...what is this I see? Hmm, Maybe not…"

My palms started sweating majorly again. "Quick-witted, cunning _and _brave; not a pushover. Shrewd, doesn't do anything halfway…hmm…" This hat better not say hmm one more time. "Let's see how you'll do in…SLYTHERIN!" My blood literally froze and the Great Hall went silent. I scanned the seas of stunned faces for any one of my family members. My eyes landed on Dominique, who had her trademark evil half-smile on her face. Can someone say…biatch? Professor McGonagall was practically carrying me off the stool and pushing me towards the far table of the Great Hall.

I sat down on the very end of the Slytherin table and looked down at my shoes until the sorting was over. When it was, I looked up from my _extremely _interesting shoes and saw that there was food all over the table. I was going to go back to pretending I was invisible when I saw there were mint humbugs No. way. I LOVE MINT HUMBUGS MORE THAN I LOVE MY BROTHERS! I grab three handfuls and put them onto my plate and a couple in my mouth. Mmm, so. Bloody. Good.

"Whoa, Potter, save some for me." I heard from behind. I turn around, trying to think of a witty comeback and coming up with…

Nothing.

A short, blonde-haired girl who I saw on the train and also got sorted into Slytherin was who had spoken. She smiled in what I thought was a friendly way and grabbed a bunch of the hard candy and sat down next to me.

" The name's Emily, Emily Parkinson and you're going to need me."

"Excuse me?"

She turned to stare me down with warm, brown eyes and said, " You're a Potter. You have no idea about how Slytherin works. The people, the dorms, pureblood statuses, all that jazz. You'll get eaten up because your whole family are in Gryffindor except you. You need me to show you the ropes, look out for you. My families been in Slytherin so I know what I'm talking about."

"Well I don't need looking out for. I'm fine, and I'm not stupid I can work out your precious Slytherin house by myself. Although I seriously hope everyone in Slytherin isn't as up themselves as you are." I retort. Across the table, a pale, blond haired boy and his blue eyed, black haired friend laughed at our exchange. I glared at them and the blond one just gave me a smile. Oh yeah, that was Scorpius, the one my brother hated.

"Suit yourself then. Wait, incoming." She said.

There were three first-years coming up to us, and by the way they were walking I could tell they thought they were Merlin's gift to the world. I had seen the freckly redhead one in the middle on the train as well, he had a baby face but swore like a truck driver. His friends bore strong resemblances to apes and looked as if their IQ was going to be a single digit number.

"So you're the Potter. Fancy seeing you here. How did you get into Slytherin anyway? Shouldn't you be on the other side of the room with the rest of your blood-traitor clan?" he mocked.

"Woah calm down. How did you manage to find your way from the other end of the table to here anyway? What, without signposts or a map?"I shot back at him, standing up now.

He and his goons just laughed and before I could blink, had shot a jelly legs curse at me. I wobbled around until my legs got caught around themselves and I fell flat on my face. Emily helped me up and half-carried me out of the Great Hall, which was filled with people laughing. At me.

Dear Merlin, what have I done to deserve total humiliation and to become the family outcast on my very first day? I looked back at horror around the hall and smiled when I saw the boys covered in boils on the floor, and Scorpius and blue-eyes with their wands pointed at them.

"So what were you saying, about not needing me?" Emily joked, panting under my weight. I like my chocolate frogs and humbugs, okay?

"Well maybe…sort of…just don't mention it, okay?"

"Whatever floats your boat."

We were just out of the great hall and she helped me onto the stairs.

"Thanks…but mind helping me out a bit more?" I gestured to my pale as snow legs which looked a bit like cooked spaghetti, limp and all over the place.

"I don't know the counter curse! I can't even turn a matchstick into a needle yet!" she wailed. Okay, now I'm freaking out. Am I going to have to be like this forever and have to make everyone carry me around and never walk or PLAY QUIDDITCH ever again? Merlin's teapot, I was going to die.

"It's okay…neither can I." I said, and before I could ask her to go get help, James and Albus ran in. Great, just what I need. I want to just crawl into a really deep hole full of food and stay there. Forever. James waved his wand and my legs turned back into their proper state.

"Thanks" I mumbled, without looking up.

"Lil?" Al said hesitantly. His green eyes were like saucers as he pulled his puppy dog face at me.

Then I snapped. "What? What is it you want from me? Are you going to disown me now? Mock me for being a great dirty snake instead of courageous and strong like the rest of the family? What are mum and dad going to say? The press, when they find out? Or are you going to pretend its okay, that you understand what I'm going through, what I have to go through for the next seven years? People are going to hate me, they already do. I- I'm ju- just so scared." I started sobbing and Emily sat down next to me and gave me a hug.

"Will you quit with the pre-teenager angst Lil? Yeah, it's going to be weird, and people are going to say stuff. Obviously." James said.

"Look, you insensitive prat you don't-" Emily began, but Al cut her off.

"Lil I'm sorry and you're right. And what James is trying to say is that of course people are going to stay stuff, it is unexpected but it doesn't matter. You're our sister and whatever house you're in doesn't change that. Mum and Dad are still going to love you all the same and so are we. Even more maybe, if you decide to go with our plan…"

**A/N: Woo! You made it to the end, now please just spend an extra few seconds to let us know what you thought of the story. Reviews would really help us improve! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: The plot and some characters are mine; the rest of the credit should be rightfully bestowed on the amazing JK Rowling.**

**A/N: Sorry for the late update :S Thank you to everyone who subscribed, favourited or reviewed. But for the rest of you, over 99 reads and only 7 reviews? Come on guys!**

*NO ONE'S POINT OF VIEW*

Bright rays of sun seeped in through the gaps between the emerald curtains of the dormitories belonging to the fourth year Slytherin girls, jerking Lily from her peaceful slumber and back into the real world.

Squinting at the sight in front of her, Lily could just make out the hazy outline of her best friend, applying eyeliner carefully on the edge of her eyelid.

After much groaning and stretching, the other inhabitants of the dormitory woke up and immediately launched into discussions on how they would spend their Hogsmeade visit. Always an early riser, Emily stood fully dressed in a dark red halter neck top, and black skinny jeans tucked into a pair of elegant black boots with silver clasps on the sides, deep in discussion with her roommate Amber Davis.

" – to Madam Puddifoot's I think." Lily caught the end of Emily's sentence as she walked over to her best friend.

Frowning, Amber asked,

"How do you put up with that place? It's so pink and glittery and... pink."

"I know," Emily smirked, "but Aaron loves the tea there, so I pretend I don't mind!"

Aaron was Emily's boyfriend of two months and to any onlookers it would seem as though this relationship was a steady one, and both people were meant for each other. Underneath this facade of being soul mates however, the relationship was much more complicated than everyone knew. Aaron and Emily had been family friends, and growing up together had brought them closer than most other people. When rumours started circulating that Aaron was gay however, he decided that he was not yet ready to come out of the closet – and tried to rectify the situation in the only way he knew.

Getting a fake girlfriend.

When Aaron begged Emily to be his pretend girlfriend, he explained how she could try make Scorpius jealous, and so she agreed. Despite what most of the Hogwarts' students think, Emily regards the wellbeing of her friends higher than that of herself. Aaron being unhappy and a chance to make Scorpius jealous was more than enough reason for her to play along, and thus to the public eye they became "Parkinson and her 'apparently not gay' Ravenclaw boyfriend."

Half an hour, and many cries of "does this look good on me?" and "do you think I should lose the bracelet?" later, Lily, Emily, Amber and another one of their roommates; Andy, trudged down towards Great Hall for a meal of eggs, toast and crispy sausages.

"Oy Andrea! Come down to Hogsmeade with me and we'll see if I'm a better kisser than your boyfriend eh?" A Gryffindor sixth year, who apparently couldn't get any girl in his own year yelled out to Andy, winking suggestively.

Scowling, Andy snapped back,

"Don't call me Andrea!"

"...So that's a yes for Hogsmeade then?" The Gryffindor boy grinned, waiting for the response he knew he wouldn't get.

The four Slytherin girls who were used to random boys hitting on Andy continued on their trek to the Great Hall, only to find that the Slytherin table was mysteriously missing. Instead all of Slytherin house was forced to eat their breakfast on the ground, as no other house were willing to them onto their benches.

Fighting back a smile which threatened to break out, Lily watched as Scorpius sat on the floor -struggling to eat his piece of toast, whilst balancing his plate on his lap and a glass of orange juice held between his knees. Motioning to the other girls, Lily walked over to an empty space on the floor and dumped herself unceremoniously on the ground, reaching out to serve herself breakfast.

Loaded with a plate of delicious breakfast, Lily turned to the conversation Emily was having with their fellow fourth year Slytherin: Trevor Kinley.

"Apparently we don't have a table anymore," Trevor was saying grumpily, blushing under Lily's watchful eye. "Someone vanished it, and made it so that no one can conjure us up a new table for 24 hours."

As Amber reached out to set her plate on the floor, Trevor grabbed her wrist sharply saying,

"I wouldn't do that. Last person to put anything on the ground ran back to their dormitory to clean themselves off after the food was flung back in their face." Smirking, he added, "But if you really want to, go ahead."

Giggling, Amber pulled her hand back and resorted to balancing her plate on her lap. This is how the rest of breakfast continued until Lily stood up and dragged Emily to the courtyard outside where many 3rd-7th years were already assembled.

"It's the first Hogsmeade visit of the year, right?" Emily exclaimed and waited for Lily to reply. After Lily's nod of approval she continued, "Shoot! I forgot my Hogsmeade form in the dormitory! You go on ahead, I'll be meeting up with Aaron anyway. How about we meet up at 12 to get butterbeers from Madam Rosmerta's? You'll be ok by yourself won't you? You can hang out with Amber and Andy!"

"Yeah yeah, I'll be fine! I do have friends other than you, you know! But I think I'll hang out with Scorp and Ted for this trip, maybe I'll hang out with the girls next time round. It'll be ok, go have a good time with Aaron!" Smiling, Lily waved her best friend away and set off towards the busy village of Hogsmeade.

Before Lily got far however, a pair of hands blocked her view of everything, and pulled her roughly behind a corner.

"HOLY MOTHER OF MERLIN, LET ME GO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE. SAVE ME SOMEON- oh." The words at the end of her sentence seemed quite unnecessary however when Lily turned around to see James, Fred, Blake and Gordon doubled over in laughter.

"Geez Lil! You're getting fiester as you get older!" Fred seemed to think his comment was incredibly funny and the smirk on his face only grew wider.

"Ow Lily, you didn't need to punch so hard!" James proclaimed from his spot on the bench where he sat nursing his left rib.

Scowling, Lily proceeded to lecture James on how in future he could simply ask for her to meet him somewhere, or else he might find himself missing a vitally important body part.

"Enough talking now children," Blake saw the need to put an end to the pointless banter between the two Potter siblings present. "Now Lily, we need you to get this into the Slytherin Quidditch Team's dinner tonight."

After observing what was pushed into her palm Lily asked,

"So let me get this straight. You're asking me to put a potion into seven people's food, one of the seven being my own?"

Here Gordon spoke for the first time, making Lily remember he was actually present, "Well eight actually. We're planning on taking the keeper out first in the game tomorrow, and we don't want the backup keeper popping in out of nowhere!"

Shaking her head at her brother's foolishness she looked straight at James saying,

"No. Absolutely not. No chance at all. Zero. Zilch. No can do. Not happening. Whichever one of those gets through to you the clearest, take your pick. I was generous enough to supply you with a variety of options in case the first few didn't make sense. So yeah, back to the point. NO. I will not put my own health in jeopardy just for the sake of the Gryffindor team to win a Quidditch match. But in case you have forgotten, I am one of the chasers on the Slytherin team? Why would I want my own team to lose? You are actually stupider than I have been giving you credit for. Merlin, what's wrong with you? It's a wonder you're not blonde. Maybe you should be blonde. Have you ever considered that? Actually, maybe just a dirty blonde? Or just blonde tips, yeah I would say brown hair with blonde tips, it could suit you?" Lily's rant was cut off as she looked up at the incredulous faces of the four seventh year Gryffindor boys.

"Only you could turn a conversation about sabataouge into what hair colour would suit James best!" Fred said as he choked out a strangled laugh.

"Well I was just saying!" Reddening slightly, Lily averted her gaze back to the ground. "Well anyway, sorry but I can't help you. Have a good Hogsmede trip." With this she turned on her heel with her head held high and walked straight into a tree.

Ignoring the peals of laughter from the boys, she picked herself off the ground, brushed herself clean and walked back onto the path she had taken before she was rudely interrupted.

"So how is our favourite Potter feeling today?" Scorpius asked, smiling directly at Lily as she perched herself on a stool in a booth in the Three Broomsticks.

Scorpius liked her and she knew it. Yet she had absolutely no idea what to do about it. If anyone hinted at this however, Lily would blatantly refuse to agree with them, but inside she knew. She knew that if anyone was to eat a tub Gillyweed whilst simultaneously doing the Irish Jig just for an opportunity to take Lily out on a date– it would be Scorpius.

After taking a sip of her butterbeer she replied:

"Just dandy. What have you two been up to?"

"Thinking up new pranks to try out on the Gryffindors, ranting about how much we hate your brother, thinking up more pranks and perving on hot chicks. You know, the usual?" Scorpius grinned glancing sideways at the chuckling Teddy.

Rolling her eyes, Lily smirked, "Sounds like a productive day. How about useful things though? Have you replaced your hair gel tub for example?"

Lily saw Scorpius' eyes widen as he suddenly ran out the door yelling behind him, "Thanks Lil, you're the greatest!"

An eruption of giggling sounded from the entrance of the Three Broomsticks, causing Lily's attention to stray from Theodore's face to the one of Emily who had just recently walked through the door with Aaron. Upon seeing Lily waiting for her she gave Aaron a fleeting kiss on the cheek and ran towards Lily, knocking over several chairs and mugs of butterbeer in the process.

Yanking Lily on the arm, Emily gave Teddy an apologetic smile and skipped her way out the door.

"So where to now my darling Lilykins?" She began, grinning up down at Lily like a fool.

"... Ok so how much crack have you been smoking?" Lily honestly was having doubts about whether Emily was sober or not, and seemed to have no fear about expressing her view. "Either you're high or you're drunk, come on – which is it?"

Again Emily was overcome by a fit of giggles but stopped dead as she rounded the corner. Her eyes widened slowly and her mouth hung open as she started at the horrifying sight in front of her. Normally Lily would have thought this was incredibly amusing, yet she seemed to be too busy gaping with the exact same expression on her face.

The sight was so horrible it had Lily wanting to bash her head 40 times on a brick wall, climb up a tree and do a war chant, run naked around the lake twice and eat a porcupine's belly.

And that is exactly what she did.

**A/N: Please leave us a review, otherwise we have no idea what you think of it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Last time I checked, my name was not Joanne Kathleen Rowling. **

**A/N: WE ARE SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! All the teachers decided this would be a great time to have everything due, and to set us lots of tests. Cheers guys. And the other author seemed to think this was a great time to go on holiday, so she's half way across the world - so for now it's just me. Anyway I hope you like this chapter, please leave a review!**

This just in; James Sirius Potter seems to have a thing for older women.

Now before you run away to comfort 90% of the girls at Hogwarts, stay for a minute so I can fill you in on what went down.

So Emily and I are just strolling out of the Three Broomsticks –and by strolling I mean me carrying her half-drunk butt out of the door- turning the corner, ready to go home and start on the potions homework that is 474827592 days late, when we see my idiotic eldest sibling

_Hitting_

_On_

_Madam Rosmerta_. WHAT IS THIS SORCERY!

He was trying to KISS HER, staring at her with this lovestruck look he only looks at his Firebolt 2000 with, while she was looking half amused and half disgusted look on her face.

"Please Rosmerta; I know we could work this out. How's about me, you and Madam Puttifoot's tomorrow night?" He was almost crooning at her, while I was rooted to the spot, frozen in shock.

Oh dear Merlin, get me out of here. Take me to detention scrubbing cauldrons. Take me back into the bar. Take me anywhere but here.

Emily burst out into raucous laughter, stumbling about. "Why don't you try McGonagall, Potter? I hear she's single and ready to mingle!"

"Or what about the creep from the Hog's Head? I reckon he's in your league, should I get him to write to you sometime?" Emily was on a roll now, but I couldn't do anything about it, but try I was furious at her. For me having to bail her out all the time, for what she was saying about my brother. I tried to pull her away before she could do any more damage. My brother's eyes were already heating up the way they do when he gets angry. But I was trying in vain; Emily started to scratch my face when I grabbed her around the waist to lead her away.

TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE, SERIOUSLY.

Good thing I took sumo-wrestling classes last summer! I yanked on a section of her long, dark hair sharply, and she let out a scream and starting using words that would have gotten her a lifetime of detention, while I flipped her over and sat on her to shut her up. While she was cussing her brains out, Scorpius took that exact moment to walk into our scene; Madam Rosmerta huddled in the corner, James' body flung in front of hers, yelling "I'll save you!", Emily yelling through a faceful of snow and me screaming "TAKE ME TO KANSAS, MERLIN!", at the top of my lungs. Somehow I had lost a shoe in my fight with Emily, and had fingernail scratches on my face.

Attractive, I know. Wizards, form a line.

Scorp and I locked eyes for one second and he nodded.

"SCORP-MAN TO THE RESCUE!" he shouted happily, as he hauled Emily over his shoulder and grabbed my hand in his, leading me up the path that would lead us back to Hogwarts. I looked over my shoulder and gave an apologetic glance to my Madam Rosmerta. The poor soul had to deal with my brother as well as my best friend just then.

"Scorp-man?" I ask Scorpius, trying unsuccessfully to hide my grin.

"There will come a day when the fate of the wizarding world will rest in Scorp-man's hands, so don't you dare laugh at a superhero's name!" He announced.

"Sure thing, Scorp-_boy,_" I teased, before softening. "And thanks. I owe you one."

"No worries Lil, anytime." He grinned down at me. "So...what was going on back there?"

"Don't go there, Scorp. Just some family stuff, you know how it is." I sighed.

"Anyone you want me to bash up, little Lil?"

"Not this time." I laughed.

We were walking in companionable silence for a few minutes, until we heard this thunderous noise that sounded like the massive vacuum cleaner that Grandpa has in his shed.

"IT'S THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!" I screamed, turning into my ninja mode, before locating where the sound came from. It was Emily snoring.

"Gotta love that girl." I muttered. Scorpius looked over to me in half- amusement, half- concern.

"Did you and her have an argument?" He asked.

"No, I'm just sick of saving her ass out of all the situations she gets herself in when she gets drunk. Remember the Christmas party? And the Easter party, and-"

"New Years Day." We both groaned simultaneously.

"She's too young for all this." Scorpius murmured possessively, like an older brother towards a younger sister.

I nodded mutely before the silence resumed between us.

Except for Emily snoring.

She sounded like a hippogriff sneezing.

Repeatedly.

"So Lil, there was something I've been meaning to ask you. I know that this probably isn't the right time or anything, but I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime. You know, for like dinner? Or just food, you know, food is good. Do you like pasta? I like pasta. Pasta with tomatoes and olives and tea-"He rambled nervously

"Okay Scorp, I get it. Wait what, you like pasta with tea?" I said.

"OMG LIL IT'S SO GOOD. SOUNDS WEIRD YEAH? IT'S LIKE EATING HEAVEN IN A SOUPY-PASTA-Y WIBBLEY WOBBLY TIMEY WIMEY THINGS AND OH GOODNESS."

Wibbley wobbly timey what?

I'm lost.

Jokes Hogwarts is right ahead! We're nearly at the front gates now.

Scorpius is still babbling but I've zoned out. "Once I ate a whole table full! I was so fat the next day... so Lil, is that a yes to dinner? Or lunch? Or food? Tomorrow?"

"Mmhhmm. Sure. Yep. " I say the whole time he is talking, not really listening. "YES!" I scream, thinking of the mint humbugs that will be at dinner.

"AWESOME! Aw yeah Scorp, you're the man!" He said.

Wait, what? What just happened?

Oh Merlin. TELL ME I DID NOT JUST AGREE TO GO OUT WITH SCORPIUS HYPERION MALFOY! GIVE ME I TIME TURNER NOW! PRETTY PLEASE WITH TREACLE ON TOP?

I plastered on a fake, frozen smile and sped up to get to the common room.

I sprint faster than a broomstick towards the doors and scream "BASILISK!" at the door.

Scorpius follows after me, with Emily still dead to the world. "You alright, Lil?" He looked at me worriedly, like I'd grown a third eye.

Guys that only happened once, and IT WAS ALL JAMES' FAULT, OKAY? Can we please get over the whole Lily's-a-freaky-seer-woman-or-something-with-a-third-eye shenanigan? It was a whole 6 months ago, okay?

"Fine," I grin at him. "Just want to go to sleep."

"Okay, see you tomorrow!" He grins at me happily.

He passes me back Em, who I put an arm around and half carry up the stairs to our dorm.

Its lucky Emily's a midget, if she was any heavier my weakling arms wouldn't be able to heave her up a million trillion stairs. When we get to our dorm it's around six o'clock, and I could eat a hippogriff. Or three. I drop Emily onto her bed, and then flop onto my own, replaying the day in my mind. I seriously can't believe that Scorpius would have the nerve to ask me out! I can't believe I was stupid enough to say yes accidentally!

What am I supposed to tell everyone?

Oh. My. Gosh.

What am I supposed to tell Emily?

Emily is going to _murder _me when she finds out I have a date with her crush!

Oh Merlin, what did I do to deserve this?

Apart from being clueless enough to accidentally say yes. But I don't want to break his heart and bail. I'll just go once, and make it clear that I don't want anything to come out of it. I just want to be friends.

Yes.

I'll do that. But what about Emily? I was in the middle of an almost-panic-attack about what to do when Andy walks in. YES. THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO. COMPLAIN TO ANDY.

AWESOME.

"Andy-oh-my-goodness-please-help-me-i-made-the-biggest-mistake-ever!" I said in about two milliseconds. Yep, that's my redeeming quality, talking super fast. Andy takes off her scarf and plopped down on the floor in front of me.

"What did you do this time?" She sighed.

Great, just the vote of confidence I wanted.

"Well, Scorpius asked me out and I kind of accidentally said yes what is Emily going to say and then on top of that Emily got really drunk or high or _I don't know _and we saw my brother hitting on MADAM BLOODY ROSMERTA and she goes off taking the mickey out of him and then I hate *had to use my sumo skills and then WHAT THE HECK IS SHE GOING TO SAY ABOUT ME AND SCORP GOING ON A DATE I DONT LIKE HIM LIKE THAT BUT I DONT WANT TO LEAD HIM ON AND AAAAANDYY WHAT DO I DO and I'm really hungry!"

Andy got up, rummaged through her bag and got out a bag of fizzing whizbees. They're no humbugs, but they're still sooooooo good. "Okay, so you stuffed up, Emily stuffed up, and your brother likes an ancient bartender."

"Great."

"But there's nothing you can do. She'll be fine eventually, don't worry about it. Just talk to Scorp and make sure he knows you're just going as friends and your brother and you have never gotten on anyway so there's not much you can do. Just let Emily sleep it off and let's get dinner."

"BUT SCORPIUS WILL BE DOWN THERE!" I whined.

"Fine. I'll get you some food, be back in five. You owe me your life savings, Lily Luna Potter." She joked.

"You can have two knuts, as a token of my love for you, dear Andrea." I said dramatically, kneeling with two bronze coins in my hand.

After a delicious meal in our dorm, Andrea left to go back to the common room. I lay back on my bed, less hungry and a little bit less worried about what tomorrow might bring.

"Good morning, sleepy head!" Amber sung, opening the curtains in our room.

"Go away." I murmured, throwing a pillow at her face.

"Well, morning isn't really the right word for it. Good mid-afternoon is better. Its two o'clock in the afternoon, sweetie. GET UP!"

Let's just say I'm not renowned for any early rising habits.

"Getting up, I'm getting up." I rolled of my bed and onto the floor.

Emily came over and helped me up, still in yesterday's clothes and makeup smudged all over her face.

"What happened last night, Lil?"All I remember is this weird dream where we were at the Three Broomsticks and you and your brother- oh."

She stopped when she saw the look on my face.

"Wait, that actually happened? Scorpius actually picked me up? Oh Merlin, he must love me!" She swooned.

"Em, stop."

"Sorry, Lil. I'm so sorry for yesterday. I should've, ya know, been more responsible and all that jazz and probably not said that stuff about your brother. Thanks for saving my butt yesterday. I owe you one, again." She looked at me hopefully.

I said nothing.

"You're not mad, are you?"

"Em, there's something I need to tell you." I told her my story, about how she fell asleep and what Scorpius had asked me.

Number of times I got interrupted by Emily: eighteen.

"Oh Merlin, Scorpius heard me snore? MY LIFE IS OVER! I AM NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN! I hope none of our kids snore when were older, Scorpius Junior will have impeccable non-snoring habits I hope."

"EMILY. I AM GOING ON A DATE WITH HIM TONIGHT. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?"

"Wait, what? YOU SAID YES?"

"It was an accident! I'm really sorry; you know I don't like him that way! I wasn't listening to what he said, and I just agreed without thinking! I am so sorry Em!"

"Oh, _you're sorry_? Oh okay, that just makes everything better, right?" She stormed out furiously.

Oh Merlin.

Amber walked out from the bathroom. "You did what, Lil? You know she likes him. She's liked him for years." She said, accusingly.

"I know that, Amber, me and Scorp are just friends. Trust me."

Amber gave me a sceptical look before leaving. What is going on here? Andy was so wrong about everything. It was silent, just me and the birds when Andy's cat Nala came and wrapped herself around my ankles, purring.

"It's just you and me right now, Nala." I said to the cat.

My stomach interrupted the silence with its rumbling. "Okay okay," I grumbled. I found my and Em's stash of chocolate frogs under her bed. Best breakfast ever!

Not wanting to go to classes today, I fell back on my bed and went to sleep again, my dreams all revolving around a certain date with a certain person, and another certain person hating me.

Everyone says being a Potter makes things easy.

Yeah, I wish.

**A/N: I know we don't deserve reviews after such a long break, but reviews get us more motivated and we will update faster, so please be nice and leave us one! ... Or two if you're feeling generous! **


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